(working inspired by the ‘7 Days of Rest and Radiant Diversity 2020‘ global, online, earth healing, experiment)
Today? Many, many words!
A rant of automatic, now very edited, words.
After listening to Shelley Ostroff’s guided meditation on today’s theme of Envision, I found I was still resonating from a powerful experience I had had yesterday.
(working from notes)
‘In yesterday’s post I used no words.
There was a reason for this.
Something very powerful moved through me yesterday.
Ancient, and justified, RAGE.
I was not expecting it, but it happened.
It was initially triggered by acts of extreme ignorance, and lack of empathy, from within my own family.
I was made a fool of for my belief in meditation and my actions on behalf of our planet.
I was ridiculed and belittled, and not for the first time.
I am normally reduced to feminine, watery, mainly private, tears when this happens, but this time I rose like a volcano.
This resulted in my, all male, family scurrying away to far corners of our house while I put on the hardest, most powerful , psychedelic, trance music, from my past that I could find, on full volume, opened all the windows and commenced stamping and whirling, like a praying dervish possessed, speaking in tongues, praying for this Earth, to this Earth, and muttering, while their tea bubbled and cooked on the stove.
I have not done anything like that for years!!
(“The Nature of Time, which to my mind, is infinitely expandable; but at the same time, it is discreet. The seconds tick at a strange pace. Perceptually, Time can stretch and you can dream a whole adventure in a split second of an eye.”
random quote from otherwise instrumental (stonking) techno track: An old recording, perhaps J W Dunne talking?)
Afterward I felt exhausted, not just a little surprised, but so cleansed by this FIRE that ripped through my being.
A new kind of peace descended.
All my family were changed too by witnessing this mighty Kali-side to their normally, mildly eccentric, 50 year old, perhaps too amenable at times, mother!
I can be quite alarmed by my own power sometimes and was unable to find the words to express this experience yesterday.
I used quiet time, working with my previous images, as a way to transmute this fire and ‘come down’.
I am pleased to say that it worked.
As I sat in silent meditation, after this explosion, assimilating the experience, OWL came to me.
(Fun seeing Owl represented in today’s Envision meme too! Divine Timing)
We gazed at each other and I asked Owl to ‘Show me.’
It turned its head nearly all the way round one way. I did the same.
Then it turned its head the other way. I copied it.
Then it twisted its whole head sideways while facing forward. That way they do. I copied it.
Then to the other side. I did the same.
I was receiving the most delicious neck stretches!! Exactly what I needed!!
Then it did something I was not expecting.
It opened it beak, sticking out its tongue simultaneously, as they do, and hissed at me!
I did the same, recalling my Rage, and hissed back.
I noticed how like the Lion’s Pose yoga facial stretch this was. It felt great!
Then it threw its head back and opened its beak again, as a chick stretching to be fed, or as in gobbling a mouse… I did this too and felt such a great stretch around my throat!
I bowed to OWL and thanked it.
I will use what remains of this ‘fire within’ to express honestly here.
As one of life’s consummate rebels (I never could abide labels and called myself a Pippy, half-punk, half-hippy; Hunks being the male equivalent, this led later to earning the nickname Buddunk…half buddist/half punk!) I find most of the like-minded, spiritual, communities, which focus, in right relationship, on Love, lacking in FIRE at times.
As if we are all afraid of it.
The suggestion that we simply ‘hold all in love’ is a philosophy I am in agreement with, but yesterday taught me something huge.
My, intuitively expressed, Rage shifted the dynamic, with positive effect.
(I had woken up feeling like I had caught his flu and that had gone!)
I am not suggesting here that we all succumb to our inner Rage and take it out into the world!
Awareness is key.
But I do believe that simply writing off anger as an affliction of people who need therapy is not healthy, or honest.
Perhaps this conscious Earth also needs to know that we will fight for her?
I know I felt like a warrioress again, after that simple experience!
I stood taller. I felt more courageous.
This is the power of prayer, these emotions need to be expressed. Made tangible.
I am talking here about RAGE, not ‘Greif’, not ‘Shame’, not feelings of inadequacy and impotence, all born of Love, but the REAL RAGE at the being made to feel that way, RAGE also born of Love of Life.
The kind of RAGE that arises in cases of real, personal, injustice.
When one takes it all to heart.
I wonder sometimes if we dress our anger up as these other more acceptable emotions, in order to appear more compassionate, more peaceful, perhaps more enlightened, but that, in fact, just bogs us down, diminishes our power? Our passion.
As I re-discovered yesterday, quite intuitively, DANCE is a great way to transmute this.
I was stamping and whirling like a tribal shaman, at the same time articulating this love for the Earth and my rage at all those who continue to seem hell-bent on destroying her.
I know that embracing all Radiant Diversity is the idea behind this experiment, but there remain those humans I have real trouble embracing!
I am sometimes furious with them!
Another connected theme arose when I looked out of the window this morning.
In an otherwise unblemished landscape was this, plastic, box.
A tub that had been used to feed the cattle, blown off course.
It really stuck out. White, plastic and ugly.
This is how I view our own house in the landscape.
I call it our ‘box house’.
Sometimes, when I am out walking, I giggle as I think of the bodies inside it, that tiny box, shuffling around inside, glued to their screens, when there is all this magnificence and space outside.
That is also how I feel when I re-enter it. The box house.
This is now how I ‘see’ all our roads, villages, towns and cities too.
Nothing really looks like it fits in the landscape.
‘Alien’ almost, definitely ‘artificial’.
I look forward to new eras ahead of more sensitive, earth, (and eye), friendly architecture and, perhaps, fewer straight lines, newer, sustainable materials, perhaps a few older ones?
I also found myself smiling when I thought of the small, field mouse, family that perhaps were thinking of moving in under that box, in awe of the opaque shelter it provided….
I will be moving it though, before they move in!
There was a time when I also believed that we were, perhaps, alien; from the stars.
Back when I tripped to repetitive beats, in trance, under Indian skies, dreaming of our evolution into light forms.
believing that all the lights, electricity and exciting new technology were all just steps on our universal evolution, on our return? journey to the stars.
I trusted so much in that ‘all was in divine and perfect order’ and my love of si-fi and dystopian stories, fueled these Utopian possibilities.
That is until I realised how slowly we were moving in that enlightened direction and contemplated the realities of living in a space station, under pressure, with Bill Gates and the likes of Donald Trump; simultaneously realizing that I was very unlikely to be the kind of person even enabled to escape the planet, that they had trashed, and that I would, most likely, not enjoy that company anyway!
Rather stay on Earth and become a ‘WallE’, recycling all the trash and excrement they rained down on us and building a New World!
Now, at 50, I find myself joining the ranks, and ranks, of ‘grandmother’s’ of yore, who distrusted the Telephone in the hall, or the Automobile, tutting with disapproval and saying ‘no good will come of this’.
Turns out they were right.
If only we had had, collectively, more respect for all those grandmothers, we might have evolved in a very different way.
Something that does resonate though all this though, is the truth that even this ‘artifice’ IS STILL ALL GAIA.
We are nature and so is all we produce.
Even our phones, washing machines and screens.
All made up of the same minerals and processes, all learned from Nature.
The artificial way in which we alchemise these properties may not help sustain us, but all this definitely makes our lives more comfortable!
‘Constraint’ is a word that wandered through my mind this morning.
I feel we need to hold our ‘artificial’ selves in.
Instead of attempting to control Nature, we now need to spend more Time controlling ourselves?
Be more aware of the cost of all we ‘create’. And spend/use it more wisely.
Clare Dubois, of Treesisters, recently penned a magnificent piece where she comments that she almost found herself bowing to the washing machine recently, when she was thinking along similar lines!
Perhaps a bit more real gratitude for these appliances would even go a long way in this healing!
I love the way that in India, and other more Eastern civilizations, they take the Time to bless their appliances and vehicles.
It is our uncaring, disposable, culture that is most to blame in this grim trajectory.
Less is, most definitely, more.
Beauty in simplicity has long been my motto, (that and ‘Mind the Gap’) and I am sticking to it!
So, I envision a world where more people get in touch with their RAGE and use that powerful energy to positive effect.
It can be channeled into direct, non-violent, action, (something I am a great supporter of), or, as I describe above, simply used to burn through all stagnant, frustrated, negative, emotion.
I envision a world where people are more aware of the real power in expressing gratitude and asking forgiveness of Source, Mother Earth.
Aware of how powerful they really are, both as individuals and together.
And something else that appears to have been missing these last few eons.
That ‘feminine’ connection, which appears to have been written out of our collective history.
Father Sky and the Burning, marvelous, Sun have been so well represented and communed with by our fiery, oil burning, power-orientated race, but this is not in balance. We need also to honour and respect our watery, life giving, loving, nurturing Mother Earth.
As above , so below.
These archetypes of Heaven being in the sky, and all Hell residing below, are wearing a bit thin for me.
All Life appears to me, today, to be the delicious filling in a sandwich, between Father Sky and Mother Earth. Either way up works.
(You could go for an open sandwich, but then it would NOT be the bottom slice you discarded!)
And you cannot have a ‘sandwich’, if it is only filling.
‘Cause then you’d need cutlery, when just bread would do.
And always leave a tiny bit for the birds,
by way of Gratitude.’
Lots and lots of words. Nothing fantastically new in it.
Just articulating the experience.
For some reason I want to add this image with all you 7 Dayers.
While on the subject of Radiant Diversity.
Almost the first image I created after returning to art practice, tee-total, in 2016 after 9 years of fighting acute depression and borderline alcoholism.
It took me days and days.
Titled ‘Beltane:Sexual Revolution’
Sometimes I do not even know what to make of it!
(link to original post, and more details of the process of making this, in caption)