working as part of a ‘Japanese 72 season micro-climate’ artist collaborative initiative within Treesisters)
Japanese season called ‘RisshO’ / beginning of autumn, 8th – 22nd August
Micro climate ‘evening cicadas sing’ 13th-17th August.
Any who follow this blog will, perhaps, notice that I have got behind in keeping up with these seasons!
I can say it has been a tremendous (and extremely anxious) push to get my trailer ready to show for the opening on the 23rd August! I had fallen far behind and all power has been put into the build and garden preparation!
I am however going to cheat and ‘back post’ so all is still in order……
Normally I would refer to photographs that I took over this time….but I was so busy that I did not take any!! I just checked my journal for any insights or poems and, very unusually, no entries there either. And in my case, that is never a good sign…
But what I remember was only an intense feelings of pure fear!
What was I doing opening’myself’ up to the public like this!!?
I had days and days of just standing and breathing, thinking what I could do next. Often feeling it was all unraveling and this danced with climate fears in my psyche.
My home and family became hideously neglected and subjected to my regular outbursts and premature expressions that it was all pointless, that I was destined forever to be fool and that everyone would find me ridiculous.
The financial side of things was also looking bleak as I seemed only to be putting out, with little real hope of anything coming back into the pot.
What normally would heal me, meditation and connections with nature, descended into a mush of confused lists and rushing thoughts.
I became all in my head.
And the weather was totally unpredictable.
How could I find the love for Mother Nature when she was so obviously working against me and my open air venue!
This was never going to work….or so I kept telling myself….this was her message to me…on the wrong path….
My boys went back to school on the 15th, so there were all the usual last minute needs…on top of everything else. I loathe sending them back into that ‘system’ and our lack of funds had meant that they had not had much of a holiday….especially the older son who had not come to Edinburgh with us.
I felt so split and selfish for putting my needs before theirs. Throwing myself, unhappily into finishing the tongue and groove lining for the trailer and painting it all. But finding little joy in it. Could barely get started each day.
It all looked rubbish to me. A big joke.
We went to the cinema and watched the new Spiderman movie….did some family things…..I lost myself in mindless consumption and planning….
So no ‘singing’ here….unless the whirr of an overly anxious brain could be compared to the roar of those wonderful insects on a hot, sunny day in Greece!!
Nothing to share from this time, so will attach a short film of those real cicadas I took two years ago in Corfu…at least that is on theme of the season….in a place were the sun seems always to shine….
Back in the days when I still saw flying as a viable choice and when we could afford such a luxury…..