(Every month I participate in the Treesister’s wonderful, nourishing, Full Moon Calls and journal the experience. This month my response was more visual!)
This month we were guided to ask ourselves if we were giving from empty?
It does feel like that sometimes.
And then asked if we could fill up enough to give?
To Connect, become Open and Breathe in the Love.
What part of me is needing Love?
The part of me that does not know she is loved.
The part of me I, frankly, do not Love.
A part of me that has become so wizened and hardened, like a nut.
It is difficult to prise open.
Probably rotten inside anyhow.
The part of me I find unloveable.
Undeserving of my Love.
The part with no self discipline, the lazy, self-sabotaging self.
The part of me that does not Love itself.
And hides in it’s tough shell.
Pushing all Love away.
I can see ‘her’ now , as a cartoon figure.
Overweight, mis-shapen, slouching, bad teeth, thick glasses, cracked feet.
A fag hanging off her bottom lip. Yellowed fingers, purple skin.
An ugly, crying, needy, face.
How to embrace our short comings, our weaker selves?
Do we forgive them? Explain them, make excuses for them? Tell their story? Attempt to understand them?
Those parts of ourselves we’d rather not meet.
I said ‘Hello.’
‘She’ did not reply.
Just pretended not to hear me and blew smoke/ink in my face, obviously willing me to try again.
I was not in the mood for those games.
I moved on past.
The meditation guided us in to our Hearts.
Into our Heartbeat.
Such an incredible organ.
Recieving and Giving. Recieving and Giving.
As I listened, I ‘saw’ an image of naked women, appearing like sea creatures, curled up in child’s pose, faces to the ground? Floating in dark matter cosmos? All with glowing, changing, skin. Skin covered in chromatophores. Like a squid or octupus. Pulsing light, in unison, in the dark. As they pulsed, a mysterious, network below them pulsed Life, thier Love Energy, all through the forest floor.
I decided to try and work with this ‘vision’ and see what happened!
I set out thinking it was going to be a pen and ink drawing …. it evolved into some rather strange, digital art experiments, which bear little resemblance to the original ‘vision’!
Like ‘sketches’ for part of a performance? Sci-fi illustrations?
Here are some of the images that resulted.